Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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