just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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