My friends, they love my intelligence
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
