your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
