I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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