I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
