I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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