I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
