I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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