im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's always time for handjobs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
