my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
