i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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