Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
