he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
