is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
