This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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