I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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