I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
