I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
