there's paper in my vomit.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
