Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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