yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
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In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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