i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
