when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
