From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
