I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
