his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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