there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
