u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
