why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
