gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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