party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
