stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
