No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
