sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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