When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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