that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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