I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
