she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
