In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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