I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Acid is not a monday night drug
only you would photoshop your dick
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
