It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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