6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
