did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
