True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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