his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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