ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
