Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
