I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
