its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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