my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
