I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
