So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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