I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
