If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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