i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
