remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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