can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
FUCK WHALES
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
