this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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