Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
