Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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