your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
