i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
