two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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