Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
