She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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