She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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