Are we in a gay sports bar?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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