i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
