I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
