When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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