I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
