I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
