I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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