if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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