Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am mentally ready for anal.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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