Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
