He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
