it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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