so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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