Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
