Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
