Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
